Dear Me - A Letter to my Sixteen-Year-Old Self

This is the name of a book out here for Christmas, for which some celebrities were asked: "If you were to write a letter to your 16-year-old self, what would it say?" It contains their letters and some of the sale proceeds go to Elton John's Aid Foundation charity. Most advise their younger self not to take up smoking, or to be confident in their budding career paths. There's a blank page in the book for the owner to add their own letter.

I've had the book a couple of weeks and wondered what I would write knowing that at 16 I was only a few years away from some fundamental events and changes that I still feel the ripples from now. Do I regret things, would I change things? Perhaps a few tweaks to save some personal pain, but if I hadn't meet and married my first husband, I wouldn't have been "in place", after divorce, for friendship to turn to love and marry my second husband, and our son would not have subsequently been born. And whilst I would have loved to avoid depression, it has taught and continues to teach me lessons that I need to know for my journey and brings me closer to a more positive soul.

It's taken some thinking, but here's a letter I might possibly have written. Sadly I don't have any pictures of me at 16 to share, as my parents stopped taking photos of me after about 8 years old. My non-school photos only re-start after A'levels at 18.




Dear Miss 16

As I look back, with the benefit of hindsight, here are some words of advice to you, my younger self:

1. Always remember that you are worth it, not worth sh*t. Beauty can be found on the inside, not just as an outer covering.
2. In the big scheme of things, when, in the summer, you're disppointed that you “only get a C in O’level English Language”, this is really not a problem to mentally beat yourself up about. In fact, History and Art, in which you also get C's, will be much more important to you in later life than the Latin in which you get an A.
3. The most important person who truly loves you should be yourself, and you are worthy of that love.
4. Ask your grandparents to talk to you about their childhoods – it will help with your family history research later. You will also then be able to go to the Hampshire Records Office more easily, whilst you still live near Winchester, rather than now when you live hundreds of miles away. Also tell them how much you love them and give them a hug from time to time - Granny Leyshon will start to appreciate them later.
5. Some men will say anything to get into your pants. And when, at 20, that happens, tell someone in authority then. It was not your fault, and it will save yourself some guilt in the long run.
6. Leave when you’re cheated on – it’s about them, not you. You are worth so much more than that. And whilst we're at it, don't look for father figures, it doesn't work out.
7. Sadly you were right at 8 about your parents, they are unable to help or tell you that they love you in the way you need, but you are strong. So wipe the bedtime tears away, find happiness in your music and start to learn who you are. In a few years, your dad will walk out, your mum will temporarily fall apart, and neither will see your efforts or pain, so you need to build yourself up for that. Forgive them, they tried their best, but you can't change them. Your parents have to want to change, for things to be different for their relationships with your son.
8. Binge eating does not count in building yourself up, so please don’t start. A hole in your soul cannot be fed - it has to be personal, spiritual growth.
9. Remember to sparkle as much as possible :)


All my love,



Julie aged 40 something


P.S. Change your forename as soon as you can – it may be only one letter but “Julia” is so not you.