Yesterday I had errands to run, so parked my car and was walking to my first task, when suddenly I felt so alive. I could feel the difference in my clothes' waistband with the weight that I have lost, I felt confident, as though I was walking on air and I smiled to people as I went passed them, although not too many smiles were returned. It was others who looked at their shoes at that moment. I got my first task done and then drove to the supermarket to get a few things.
I don't normally shop at that particular branch, although it's nearest from home, as I usually use a smaller version that's on the way from dropping my son off for his school bus, but no school today, so it was its bigger brother today, as I was that side of town. I walked in and the full confidence was gone, as they recently enlarged the bigger store, making it evener bigger and less personal, which was another reason I stop using it, as it drained too much out of me, mentally walking round. It did again yesterday, as I usually don't write a shopping list - I hate lists, it's an ex-husband thing, too many reminders of mental beatings, hatelists, lists of hate in his hands - so I usually wander up and down, but in the bigger store, its size and layout only make me feel smaller, even when I only need a few things. So I'll be avoiding that big store again, and will be back to its smaller less intimidating relation, but before stepping into the supermarket void - a negative black hole, buy this, need that, hate yourself for not having this (not that I do but they become seductive places to spend and spend and then feel guilt) - I felt good about myself, so maybe the feeling will stay for a bit longer next time :)
xx
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