When I was first signed off work with depression and anxiety, I used to go in to visit once a month to maintain some contact with my colleagues. I didn’t know how long I was going to be off and at that time, I saw some of them as friends, although now I know that some just kept me with them in a very negative atmosphere. Some people would ask me how I was, not really wanted to hear anything other than “OK” or “Getting there” and one particular colleague caught me in a moment of honesty and was rather shocked when I turned round and said “Do you really wanted to know, or do you just want me to say fine and then you can feel that you cared?” – I never particularly liked him, he ignored me usually at work, you don’t think it showed, do you??
Anyway, the first time I went back for a visit, people did show some concern and one came up to me and whispered “Do you know, of all people here that I thought would have depression, you weren’t one of them?” She meant it honestly, as kindly as she could be, to which I said “I’d actually had depression before and had just a short time off that time, but that I was good at not looking depressed or showing my feelings – I had had years of practice.”
I never went back to work there and in fact still remain on long term sick leave, although now I am unemployed. Gradually I stopped going back and slowly I stopped contact, partly because some of the people I had been true friends with left the place soon after I had gone on sick leave. My husband remains in the industry and there just a few people who ask after me now.
But with all the talk of best actors and best actresses, this blog is actually going to end on those in the best supporting role. For me, the award would primarily go to my hubby and my son, for all the help, support, tear wiping, smiles, laughs, good and bad times they have got us through. But there would also be special mentions to my close friends, here and elsewhere, whose words, blogs and comments inspire me. This one is for you all xx
Anyway, the first time I went back for a visit, people did show some concern and one came up to me and whispered “Do you know, of all people here that I thought would have depression, you weren’t one of them?” She meant it honestly, as kindly as she could be, to which I said “I’d actually had depression before and had just a short time off that time, but that I was good at not looking depressed or showing my feelings – I had had years of practice.”
I never went back to work there and in fact still remain on long term sick leave, although now I am unemployed. Gradually I stopped going back and slowly I stopped contact, partly because some of the people I had been true friends with left the place soon after I had gone on sick leave. My husband remains in the industry and there just a few people who ask after me now.
But with all the talk of best actors and best actresses, this blog is actually going to end on those in the best supporting role. For me, the award would primarily go to my hubby and my son, for all the help, support, tear wiping, smiles, laughs, good and bad times they have got us through. But there would also be special mentions to my close friends, here and elsewhere, whose words, blogs and comments inspire me. This one is for you all xx
1 comment:
Hi Jewel,
I too had co-workers who treated me as if I had the plague..broke my heart. Another reason I still have hard times being close to others.
Thank you for your true friendship. I am learning more about myself from listening to you.
In time hopefully to trust others more. Dixie x
Post a Comment