A Weight Lifted Update 6

Week 7 and a bit more lost. 17st has been left behind and now I'm 16st 11.5.

It is surprising me but perhaps it is determination or the emotional weight from my past is leaving me. I have all sorts of things going on in my life at the moment and today is the first day back for school for my son, which in the past has been a trigger day, as I used to feel that I'd lost my use, not being needed all the time by someone, being on my own again, and feeling that I had lost worth. That is still at the back of my mind but this time I have some strategies to distract me - blogging, fruit to snack on, sewing, some taped TV shows to watch, art course readings, organising, washing...

I have also been away from here as I had some issues to deal with. I saw a TV programme advertised and discussed in preview on other programmes about sexual bullying and it bought things to a fore. It put a name to things I had suffered from as a child and young adult and I've been dealing with the memories it provoked. I was bullied as a child and an adult, but now realise that some incidents that also happened to me would now be classed as sexual bullying. Having a name to give it gives some freedom, but it also brings the knowledge that my problems started earlier than I had thought, but bears out a thought that came out in one counselling session that between 6-8 years old were a difficult time for me, although at the time I said I didn't really know or remember why or what happened. Trying to lose weight and the thought patterns that I developed to defend me has meant trying to find different ways to tackle losing some weight and not self-sabotage as I go along. And with my right arm muscles problems and soreness, I've been resting, but still here, there for helping others, as much as I could.

I'm starting to see light again. I hadn't put the little incidents into the whole line of abuse (mostly mentally) and bullying that I had recognised as such in my past. But it is my determination not to be a victim, and I should be able to close the door again soon on those little things. It was just the trailers for the programme (Panorama) and discussions on breakfast television that brought some of the things back under my focus. And yet I've still come through.

Starting weight 17st 4lb

Total lost: 6.5 lb

xx