Whilst there were low points this year and some were very low, I am choosing to focus on the positives and celebrate those:
• Seeing Brian Kennedy in concert in his hometown of Belfast and meeting so many of the BK forum then - that will always be in my top 10 things that I've done in my life.
• Brian's encouragement when I told him that I was recovering from depression.
• My first BK cuddle.
• And Brian mentioning my name and saying “I know that name” on the radio for a request I'd sent in for some friends on the forum – this was such a shock as people I went to school with don’t remember me and yet someone who must meet thousands of people did.
• Meeting some more positive people this year willing to guide me on my journey to recovery and who are willing to see me as I really am.
• Getting my photo taken with John Barrowman twice and getting a personalised autograph from him – maybe next time I’ll be able to talk to him, rather than my brain go to mush.
• Going to Ireland, discovering my spiritual home and seeing Riverdance again at the Gaiety Theatre. Also seeing my friend Audrey again and having dinner with her family.
• Having a Hot Stone Massage.
• Finding my voice to speak out.
• See a Caravaggio painting for the first time “in the flesh”.
• Trying Ice Skating, although it wasn’t for me.
• Going to the Eden Project in Cornwall.
• Finding a solution to finish a quilt that I’d been stuck on for years.
• Becoming more accepting of my qualities.
• Going by myself to a Family Reunion and meeting a whole family of second cousins I never I had, and getting pictures of and information about my great-grandparents that I don’t know.
*Learning to let go a bit more.*
*Changing my name, so I'm no longer pretending, I really am.*
The Silver Linings Disguised:
• I had to give up an OU course learning Latin at the beginning of the year as I was getting so far behind in my reading and was unsure that I would remember anything for the final exam, so I took the decision to cease those studies. Luckily I managed to get half my course fees re-credited and it allowed me to reflect on what I wanted from OU studies – did I want a BA in Humanities for which I would have to take 3 years more of studies and exams, or would I be happy with just a BA with no speciality which I would be able to get with taking just one more subject and a final extended essay and no final exam? No contest. So by accepting realism I’ve managed to adjust my aims and hopefully will have a degree this time next year, although it will still require hard work to keep that on track.
• My trip around Belfast on a bus-tour made me violently sick, but it also made me realise how much I was holding on to parts of my past and how sick that was making me, so I’ve taken the decision to confront my past as much as I am well enough to do, to find peace in and with myself.
The list isn’t exhaustive as my memory’s hopeless, but special praise goes to Audrey, Joanne, Carol, Dixie, Gary and Dave for welcoming me out of myself, to Christine for always being there even when I was quiet, and to the guiding inspiration of Brian Kennedy, as a person and through his music. Thank you for your help in becoming a jewel shining through xx
2 comments:
What a wonderful post of your accomplishments. I applaud that energy, And thank you very much for the mention. You are so sweet. See you skating in the portal! dc.
Oh, don't think I'll be ice skating, maybe skateboarding. I was so terrified just going round the edge of the rink holding on to the sides, but I did manage a few moments without holding on! But I was brave enough to try it. Definitely a moment of "I'm glad that I did it, and got a sense of achievement, but mostly that I'll never have to do it again". :) xx
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