I suffered from depression for nearly 10 years, really suffered. Most things were too hard. Hours became days, days ran into weeks and then years had gone by. I received counselling but my counsellors moved on as their job titles changed, and I was left feeling that I was “too hard” to “solve”, that no one wanted to get to the crux of the matter, as I felt that I couldn’t. What I didn’t realise was that that wasn’t their job but no one really explained that, or if they did, I wasn’t well enough to take it in.
I came to the end of my “allocation” of help and yet only little things had changed. I found that “loss” was a big problem for me – as counsellors came and went, just as I seem to be making progress… typical. But I have been able to make progress on my own and now I see myself as recovering, starting to walk back along the road, but not yet near my destination, wherever that’s supposed to be. So keep the faith and it will come…
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2 comments:
Warm greetings to you 'jewel',
So pleased to see you blogging. As I know you realise, in our ongoing journey along the road of mental health wellbeing, we learn to 'live with' rather than 'suffer from' our depression. We learn that our mental health issues can be only a small part of who we are. There is so much more to us.
I learnt that, even though I have also been in counselling sessions, that I am the 'expert' on who I am.
Like you say jewel: "So keep the faith and it will come..."
Many thanks for linking into my blog, welcome to our empathetic community. Warm wishes klahanie aka Gary.
You see, I never really believed that I was an expert on me, having been told how stupid I was in my formative years. I expected (wrongly, of course, now I realise) someone to tell me what was wrong and what I had to do "to fix it", but when I metaphorically let go, and let my intuition in and then started to trust it, I began to see.
I used the word "suffering" as that's how it felt for at least 7-8 years, but now for the last 2-3 years I have been recovering, growing, and the suffering is behind me. I have embraced my illness for the knowledge that it has given me, although I would have rather learnt it an easier way :) and use it as an indicator of the need for me-time or for the possibility to grow a bit more, to take on a bit more.
Thank you for your comments and your wishes - I'm just feeling my way into blogging, so we'll have to see how it goes. Much love, xx
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